How One Notebook Ended all Fights
With My Wife
And Proved That a Thriving Business
and a Happy Marriage CAN Go Hand-in-Hand
Entrepreneurs are funny creatures.
But you already know that.
Because you’re one of us.
You are a little bit restless.
You move faster than most.
You created the business -- the life you want.
Or… you work toward it.
I know you. I am you.
And I want to tell you a story.
It starts off sad, gets terrifying in the middle, but has a happy ending.
All in less than 250 words.
I'm David Henzel.
And not too long ago, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Cancer is an ugly word for me. I lost both of my parents to it. It’s the kind of word I prefer to hear about in an awareness campaign, or in a list of statistics, but not when I’m face to face with a doctor.
I wasn’t ready to have cancer take another of my loved ones (can we ever be ready for that?)
And it made me start to think.
During the stress of it all, I couldn’t help but reevaluate my own life. My life, my values, mission and goals.
If I were laying on my deathbed right now and looking back at my life, how would I have done? Did I really accomplish everything I was supposed to? Everything I dreamed I would? Did I live up to my potential?
At first it was about my work, my business, my customers… but it didn’t take long for that to completely shift.
What about my family?
Did I do everything I could for them? What about my wife? For her?
I thought back to how many nights I’d work late, how many mornings I’d rush off with a kiss on the cheek. How many times she’d called or texted and I was in the middle of something “important.” How many silly arguments we’d had over money.
Now here’s the happy ending I promised: My wife pulled through – she beat the disease.
And I had a new outlook.
It shouldn’t take a life-altering moment like my wife’s cancer struggles to push us to look closely at our lives, but I shamefully admit, that’s what it took for me.
Maybe for you it can be different. You can start asking yourself today:
What is it that you’re working towards? And how will you get there?
And what role will your partner play?
My wife and I answered this question with a notebook.
And you can do the same.
I’m David and I've been an entrepreneur all of my adult life. I've bootstrapped and sold a variety of companies. In 2009 I co-founded MaxCDN, a company that grew into one of the leading Content Delivery Network platforms in the world.
Having sold the company in 2016, I can say that money and financial freedom are great, but I’m even prouder of having been able to create and maintain a balanced life with my wife and daughter through the stressful days of a startup.
How does home fit into hustle?
Too many people are climbing the “ladder of success” frantically without realizing an untold secret:
There is more than one ladder…
...and they each lean on a different wall.
Instead, we climb and climb.
We never think about which wall we’re climbing.
What happens when we reach the rooftop?
Is it the view we want to see?
What happens if after years (or even decades), we’re looking out at a skyline that we don’t like?
So let’s be intentional.
Intentional about our business, of course.
And also intentional about our families. Our relationships. Our lives.
Maybe things are fine...
Have you ever driven down the highway and seen a rock hit your windshield?
It makes just the tiniest ding in the glass.
A spot so small it’s easy to miss… and even easier to ignore.
Then maybe after a few days or weeks, a little tail starts to sprout from the spot.
And maybe another.
At what point do you take care of it?
Well, if you’re smart (or if you’ve had this happen before), the day the spot appears you get it taken care of.
It doesn’t seem like it will be a big problem.
But, if you’ve been in this situation, you already know.
You can’t predict when it will happen because all it takes is the smallest little bump in the road.
That little spot suddenly spreads across the entire windshield.
And now, it’s too late to repair.
Our most valued relationships are like that, too. We recognize the flaws. We remember the little fight, or the look of discontent when we got home late (again). But it’s just a little thing.
Until years go by and those little things sprout tails. And become big things.
And suddenly, we don’t know how to fix it.
The “Windshield Moments”
In Our Relationships
Although the “windshield moments” can take many different forms, here’s a few ways they manifest for entrepreneurs.
Windshield Moment #1: Your Business Becomes “The Other Women”
Part of the fun of being an entrepreneur is being enraptured with your work. Because you believe in what you’re doing, time seems to fly. You can (and do) work for hours. It consumes us.
The problem is, our spouses and families feel left behind. You come home late, or leave early. You’re gone on the weekend. When you’re home, you’re not present.
Windshield Moment #2: Quality Time Becomes Rare
Even when we “take time off” from work, our afternoons and evenings are full to the brim -- soccer, school plays, doctor’s appointments, “what’s for dinner?,” grocery shopping, and more.
In the midst of all this, you see your spouse and maybe exchange, “how’s your day going?” but don’t have time for much else. By the time you get to bedtime, you’re exhausted. Where in there can you fit real conversation -- about your future, about your life, about your relationship?
Windshield Moment #3: “Things Will Be Better When…”
There’s a trap that we all tend to fall into in our lives. We believe that things will be better when our current problem is alleviated. But what we don’t consider is that the future will bring its own set of problems.
Have you ever said any of the following:
- “It will be easier when the kids are out of diapers…”
- “We’ll have more money when the kids are in school…”
- “When we reach 1,000 customers, life will slow down…”
- “Once we get through this quarter, we’ll be able to...”
Behavioral scientists understand that humans are terrible at preparing for what’s to come down the road. We think it will be easier so we don’t take the steps now to make it better for us in the future.
Windshield Moment #4: We Assume Our Partner “Gets” Us
Usually we have very clear motives for our work and our businesses, and more often than not, those motives revolve around our families. We work hard so that we can provide. So that we can build an asset that will ensure our family and our children are taken care of.
Every day as we slog through the challenges, we think of them. But do they realize that? It’s easy to assume that they understand why we aren’t home for dinner or why we’re on our phone at 10:30 p.m. They get it. They’re behind us. But even the most supportive family members have trouble understanding unless we communicate it.
Windshield Moment #5: We Assume We Get Our Partner
The reverse of #4 is also true. We think we understand what our partner is going through. We think they share the same dreams. Often they do, but it’s easy to forget our partner’s needs too.
They have dreams and ambitions separate from us. And unless we create moments where we can talk openly about these dreams and ambitions, we’ll never know about them. These are the seeds of discontent and resentment.
They watch us build our dreams as theirs slowly slip away.
End the rivalry between your
work and your marriage
If you were to draw a graphic of “work-life balance,” what would it look like?
A few years ago, I would have come up with something like this:
In this image, you can only add to one side by taking away from the other.
As one rises, the other falls.
But I’ve found that this just isn’t the case.
Work and “life” aren’t opposing forces at all.
When your marriage fails, often your business suffers.
And visa versa.
Downtimes in the business means added stress at home.
But the reverse is also true.
When your marriage is thriving, it makes it a lot easier to create success at work.
And big wins for your business mean more happiness in your relationships.
And this is good news!
That means that you can focus on improvements at home, and as a result, improve your business.
It doesn’t have to be either-or.
When my wife and I committed to improving our relationship, the rest of my life became aligned. I knew what the next steps for my business were, and she was in my corner at each and every turn.
We felt like a team again.
And we’re not some anomaly. You can do this, too.
The good news is that we had to research how to do it… and that roadmap is available to you.
Imagine being aligned with your partner -- sharing common goals.
Rejoicing in the wins together, and having each others’ backs during the struggles.
What would it mean for you to be fully present -- both in the office and at home?
The guilt when you have to work disappears.
And you have the opportunity to really connect with your family -- without feeling “tied down” from your other responsibilities.
It is possible. And I’ll show you how.
The program designed to help you create better relationships, a better business, and a better life
There are many programs out there to help you improve your relationships.
There are many programs out there to help you improve your business.
The problem is that the strategies in one type of program are often in conflict with the strategies in the other.
I knew that to be truly happy… I needed to have success in both.
So I set out to find out if that was possible.
And what I found was that by employing the right systems at home, I actually became better at work.
I discovered systems that complemented my business, rather than competing with it.
Because in fact, a happy marriage and a successful business need the same things: common goals, proven strategy, and communication.
The "aha" in my marriage
I remember clearly the moment I discovered I already had the skills and knowledge to improve my marriage.
That day, I’d spent the afternoon in a long meeting with the team. There had been a few communications breakdowns in the business so we clearly spelled out all the roles and responsibilities as a group.
We’d discovered that some of the failures had occurred just because expectations weren’t as clear as they should have been.
After the meeting I came home and sat down to recharge after the day. My daughter at the time was in diapers and she walked past me with a clearly full diaper.
My wife looked at me and then got upset that I didn’t get up to change the diaper. I was surprised at her reaction.
Now, I had no problem changing my daughter’s diaper but 95% of the time, my wife took care of it.
I didn’t know that was something that I should be doing.
And that’s when I had the epiphany -- this was the same issue as the one with my business team. We just needed to make expectations clear.
So, we sat down and assigned roles and responsibilities. Who takes out the trash? Who vacuums? Who changes diapers? Who takes the kids to bed, who feeds the dogs and walks them, who takes them to the vet and takes care of meds, who buys groceries, who organizes gifts for friends and families, who takes care of family finances...
80% of our fights were instantly eliminated.
Over time, I discovered that this wasn’t the only business strategy that could improve life at home. And we applied them one by one, testing and reiterating along the way.
And now, I’d like to share
these strategies with you...
Because I truly believe that entrepreneurs who can become masters at both will produce better products, raise better children, and impact the world in ways we’ve never seen before.
Here’s just some of what you’ll learn inside Managing Happiness.
- How to find the “right wall” to rest your ladder against… and how to make the climb easier
- Avoiding common arguments like “why wasn’t this done” or “what did you do today?”
- The optimal time to have difficult conversations to avoid getting off track
- How to set rules that everyone will stick to. The secret comes from the HR world -- “buy in” is key
- 3 ways to ensure that household tasks and chores are always done
- The importance of a common goal, and how you can combine forces and achieve more than you thought possible -- together
- The secrets of airtight communication. No more confusion, misinterpretation, or frustration
- One trick I used to eliminate arguments about money (this easy fix will pay for the course if your spouse has a spending problem)
- The one time you MUST be selfish. If you put your family first in this situation, it will be detrimental to the whole system
- A simple way to extract your spouse’s secret ambitions -- and how to make them a reality (no matter how crazy they seem)
- How to kick bad habits for good (plus, help your spouse do the same)
How much is your marriage worth?
There are lawyers and accountants that can answer that question for you from a strictly economical perspective.
They’ll tell you the exact dollar value of saving your relationship, taking into account factors like the legal costs of divorce (the national average is somewhere in the $15,000 to $30,000 range, more for entrepreneurs).
Even the “cheaper route” of couples therapy or marriage counselling (this comes in at about $2,000 on average) plus mediation (which is $3,000 on the low end) -- and that’s if you agree! -- is not inexpensive.
Either way, factor in half of your business, your house, and your assets and it’s not a great option.
But this isn’t really about economics, is it?
This is about knowing that what you have is worth saving. I’m not sure how to start putting a number on that.
What’s it worth to be happy?
How much would you pay to ensure your spouse is satisfied?
What would you do to keep your family intact?
If you’re like most of the couples I’ve talked to, you’ve already invested a lot to make this better.
Maybe you’ve bought books. Maybe you’ve tried couples therapy. Maybe you’ve even hired a coach or a mediator.
And those things can make a huge difference. But what really moved the needle for me was a system.
A way to align your business and your personal life so that both can experience the growth you know they are capable of.
That’s why I cataloged my entire system, including the exact templates my wife and I use every day.
And it’s also why I decided to make it affordable. It’s not going to cost you thousands of dollars. In fact, it’s less that a single session with one therapist. And you can go through the exercises and the tools on your time.
Can you really afford to wait?
Introductory price – $1497
Frequently Asked Questions
About Managing Happiness
Are you a marriage or family therapist?
I’m an entrepreneur who has struggled through juggling a family and a rapidly growing startup. I’m no family therapist. I applied this to my family and it worked so great that I became obsessed with it. It was a complete game-changer for us, and I know it can impact you, too.
Having a “system” sounds more like work than a loving relationship.
That’s not a question, but I’ll answer anyway. We manage everything that’s important to us -- our health, our money, our business. Why do we have this idea that relationships will just magically work? Having a strong foundation frees you up to do the things that made you fall in love in the first place -- be spontaneous, spend time together… laugh!
What if I’ve already tried counselling?
Again, I am not a therapist. And I’m not here to tell you that counselling and therapy are not right for you. Maybe they are. What I am telling you is that without having a structure and a guide, my wife and I often had conversations that went nowhere. Or worse, left us more frustrated and dissatisfied than before. This system allowed us to communicate and understand each other in a way that didn’t feel forced or unnatural.
Won’t this ruin the spontaneity of our relationship?
A cool side effect of using this system, at least for me, was that I knew what my wife wanted -- not just the big stuff like “what she wanted out of life”... but the little stuff, like ways to surprise her and what she wanted for Christmas. For the first time I had the space to be spontaneous because I understood her in ways I never had before.
How much time will this take?
The course itself is designed to take six weeks to go through and implement. Depending on where you are in your relationship, the exercises could take anywhere from an hour to an afternoon. But, I found that the time we spend communicating and going through the system is nothing compared to the hours we’ve eliminated arguing, being upset, or losing sleep.
What if it doesn't work?
I can’t think of a situation where this system wouldn’t improve your relationship, and to prove it to you, I’d like you to try it Risk Free.
My Unbeatable Guarantee
If you're not blown away by the material, and if it doesn’t radically change the way your marriage functions, I'll refund you 100%. No questions asked. Cancel with a 100% refund within 30 days and I'll let you keep all of the material you've received. It’s a no-brainer, and there’s NO-RISK.
When you click below, you’ll instantly receive…
1. The exact system my wife and I used to eliminate arguments, grow my business, and align home and work.
2. Video training on best practices -- both from my experience and from relationship experts.
3. All of the worksheets, templates, and conversation guides to get you started.
4. The 100% Money-Back Guarantee.
Introductory price – $1497
Whose fault is it when a marriage falls apart?
Here’s a little secret you learn if you ever study psychology -- our brain loves to play tricks on us. Its primary job is to protect us so it does a great job convincing us that we are amazing -- we’re hard-working, we’re smart, and we’re rarely wrong. The problem is to do this, it constantly looks for evidence that keeps us from believing all of those things.
Evidence like how your wife doesn’t try hard enough. Or that it’s “not that bad.”
Evidence like how you are doing the right thing and that if someone doesn’t agree, they must be stupid or crazy.
But then, there’s this other part of the brain. The part that likes to come out when you’re just about to fall asleep. The one that asks questions like:
- “Am I really doing enough?”
- “What do the kids really think of me?”
- “Does she know how much I love her?”
- “Is she happy?”
- “Am I happy?”
If we don’t have answers to these questions, we dismiss them as silly or paranoid.
The truth is, we can, and should have answers to these questions.
And inside Managing Happiness, you’ll learn how to find them.
Introductory price – $1497